


First Kiss on the Edge

by jimmacken



Series: Modern Cielois Oneshots [1]
Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-21 04:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4815860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jimmacken/pseuds/jimmacken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First of all, a huge thanks to my friend Ciel for writing some of the Ciel parts in this. Check out their blog at http://toruoikwa.tumblr.com/. Next, a big thanks to a tumblr post with a bunch of one liner prompts that I reblogged. The prompts were "first kiss" and "at the edge" which i took realistically, then figuratively. I hope you guys enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote>





	First Kiss on the Edge

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, a huge thanks to my friend Ciel for writing some of the Ciel parts in this. Check out their blog at http://toruoikwa.tumblr.com/. Next, a big thanks to a tumblr post with a bunch of one liner prompts that I reblogged. The prompts were "first kiss" and "at the edge" which i took realistically, then figuratively. I hope you guys enjoy!

“This isn’t… Please stop this… Please…”

Alois’s voice quivered as he clutched his wrist in pain, digging his nails into his skin. He couldn’t put his sentences together, barely managing to keep his sobs from escaping him. His whole body was shaking.

“You can’t… Help…” he whimpered.

Digging his nails harder into his skin, Alois dropped to his knees, letting out a suppressed sob. He couldn’t look up. He couldn’t stand to look at Ciel. Not when he was in this state of mind, this state of being. Panic and anguish flushed his mind, and he was terrified. Ciel was standing _right there._ How could Ciel stand to see Alois this way? It was a pitiful display, wasn’t it? Disgusting. Alois was ashamed.

_This wasn’t supposed to happen. I never wanted him to see me like this. So why… Why did I let this happen!?_

He loosened his grip on his wrist, leaning forward and wrapping his arms around his stomach. It was too late to pretend this had never happened. Why not just let it out? Alois cried, his tears soaking the carpet. His head pounded, but he didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t hold it in anymore. Alois sobbed loudly, wallowing in his self-hatred. How utterly pathetic, Ciel was probably thinking. Alois was afraid to look up, afraid to see Ciel’s face and any emotion that could be accompanying it.

Ciel was uneasy; He’d never been in a situation like this before and he had no clue what to do. It probably would have been easy to just leave, but Ciel was afraid to leave Alois behind like this. Ciel was stunned. It was extremely rare for him to genuinely care about another person’s well-being. The only other person he truly cared about was Lizzy, but this was different. Unlike Lizzy, Alois seemed to always be _hiding_ behind his smile and cheerfulness rather than wearing a real smile. Lizzy was truly a happy person, but Alois…

Ciel took a step back and slowly squatted onto one knee. There was a foot of space between the boys, but Ciel was unsure of getting any closer, but he leaned forward without actually moving from his place on the floor.

“Alois,” he said softly. Alois’s loud sobs were drowning out his own voice, but Ciel didn’t speak any louder. “Alois, you don’t have to feel this way… You don’t have to react this way.”

It was true of course, it had to be true. At least, for Ciel it was true. Ciel himself was not the happiest person in the world either. In fact, Ciel knew there was something in him, quite similar to what Alois was displaying right now. But Ciel was different in that he didn’t express it. Ciel never expressed any kind of heavy emotion. It might’ve been a test for himself, to prove that he is stronger than others, stronger than to fall victim to pitiful emotions of humans. Ciel wasn’t sure, but he knew it was the best coping mechanism for him. Why would it not work for Alois as well? “All you have to do is ignore it you know… Just ignore these feelings. And they’ll go away.”

There was another moment of stiff silence. Alois stopped his sobbing, and raised his head enough to see Ciel’s knees in front of him. He hadn’t realized Ciel wasn’t standing over him anymore. For a few seconds Alois held his breath, trying to process what Ciel had just said. He didn’t understand what Ciel meant. Obviously, if Alois couldn’t understand what it meant, then Ciel would never be able to understand either.

“You don’t understand,” Alois whispered. His head felt close to imploding, and he shut his eyes to keep everything out.

“You don’t understand… YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” Alois screamed, collapsing back to the floor. “You don’t understand _anything!_ You’re just pretending to understand and pretending to care!” Alois’s voice cracked as he cried loudly, and he looked up at the other for the first time.

Ciel saw a shattered soul before him, eyes that showed a person far beyond help. For the first time in so long, Ciel was afraid.

“I-I’m not pretending, Alois. I _want_ to understand,” Ciel said quietly. He was still unsure of what he could do. He didn’t want to make any mistakes. Alois sat in front of him, his face red and wet from his crying and his hair was in a matted mess. Ciel had never seen this side of Alois, never even imagined it existed. But there he was, and this was very real. “Alois, I…”

Alois whimpered and looked away quickly, tightening his fists as if he were ready for a fight. Ciel didn’t understand Alois; that was certain. But he wanted to. It was an abnormal thing for Ciel to feel empathy for another person. Hesitantly, he reached over and placed a hand on top of Alois’s. The light touch sent chills through both Alois and Ciel, and they both held their breath.

A million thoughts must have passed through Alois’s head, but he didn’t pay attention to any of them. He loosened his fists ad slowly turned back to face Ciel, tears still running down his face. Ciel took a deep breath before intertwining his fingers with Alois’s. It was a big gesture, Ciel ever let anyone touch him this way, yet… It was all he could think to do. “Alois…”

Without a second to gather his thoughts, Alois grabbed Ciel by the wrists and pushed him onto his back. He didn’t know what he was doing. Alois hovered over the smaller boy, who was startled more than anything. He struggled to break free of Alois’s grip, but it was too strong.

“Alois, what are—” Ciel’s words were cut short by a forceful pressure. Alois.

Lips pressed against lips, the boys listened to nothing but the sound of the still air. For a few short seconds, Alois didn't know what reality was. Ciel lay there, wide eyed and unable to move. He froze in time, staring at the wet face of a broken soul. This kind of touch was too much, so much that he wanted to scream. Seconds felt like hours, and before he knew it, Alois stopped.

Alois slowly sat up, trying not to look at Ciel. He was ashamed once again. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he gently shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Ciel," he sniffled.

Ciel stared at Alois, his body towering over his own small one. Alois was still sitting atop his lap, trying to gather himself up. Ciel didn't know what to do. Alois stole a kiss, and not just that. It was his first one. Ciel could still feel the tingling on his lips, an unpleasant feeling that intrigued him. This sensation was new, it was ... thrilling. He let out a long sigh.

"Please, Alois. Get off me."

Alois nearly jumped at the stern voice, quickly moving his body to the side of Ciel's.

"Ciel, I didn't mean-- I didn't want to do that, I--" Alois looked to the floor, afraid that he had ruined everything with that stupid stunt. "I didn't realize... what I was doing," he sighed. "Until I was already doing it." He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair. Goddammit.

Ciel finally got up, at the end of those words. He looked outside the window, and couldn't find the moon. Just stars, he noticed. Ciel closed his eyes. Without looking, he reached across the floor to touch Alois's hand. To hold it.

"Alois..." he said softly. He turned and faced the other, looked him directly in the eyes. "Don't ever do that again."

Alois nodded, scared of Ciel's tone. He knew that he had done... wrong. He had no problem with obeying Ciel's demand. Quietly, Alois intertwined his fingers with Ciel's and held his hand. The warmth was nice, after all the panic that has ensued.

Ciel sighed and gripped Alois's hand tighter.

"At least... Not without asking first." Ciel chuckled.


End file.
